A Day to Remember

It was 3 years ago, this Friday that we laid our son to rest.

An Idaho April can be pretty iffy weather wise, but this particular day was so beautiful.  It was a gift on day that was so hard.

The sun was shining, it was warm, and there were beautiful blooming trees all around us.  We gathered around each other, and we said a heartbreaking goodbye, once again.

I can't help to think back on this day and remember it in vivid detail.  Every thought and emotion, the feeling I panic I felt as we sat with family waiting on breakfast that morning.  There was a desperation inside of me to be with him, for every last possible moment before we no longer had that option.  I still felt the need to protect and hold him, keep him warm and kiss his sweet little head, while rubbing my fingers through his hair.  Looking back, it almost seems unreal, it all happened so fast.  He was here one moment and the next we had to let him go.  It's not a natural thing for a mother to do.  We hold on and we fight with everything in us to protect our children, so to let him go... Oh, it hurt so deeply.

In the midst of it all, there was still hope.  Hope of one day being with him again, in heaven, where there would be no more pain or suffering.  He got a head start on us, and I know without a doubt, he is whole again.  I can only imagine what it will be like one day, but heaven became a little sweeter and more beautiful the day he went to his eternal home.

On that day though, I held him tightly and said a goodbye as a piece of my heart went with him.  I am posting a picture below that may be hard to see for some.  So, please, if it's too hard, close this post now, but I wanted to share with you one last picture of my beautiful boy on this day 3 years ago, his burial day.

I wrapped him in the blanket I had slept on the weeks before he was born, so my scent would be on it, and held him close.  He looks beautiful, just like a sleeping baby, who had never even been sick.  I am so grateful they were able to make him look so natural, and peaceful. 

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A beautiful boy, and a beautiful day.  All was not lost that day.  Our Spring came, once again.

Missing you, John Carter, so very much.