A Beautiful Tribute

Yesterday, we finally felt ready.

When we found out Johnny wasn't going to make it, the hospital arranged for a photographer to come take some pictures of our family with him.  The night we broke the news to the kids, Friday April 16th, we sat holding and loving him. The photographer came and caught the emotions we were all feeling that night, raw and full of grief, but, so in love, and not yet ready to let our little love go.  On this disc, we find all that we've endured, and the heartache we felt, but, at the same time there is a strength and love that transcends through the weakness we felt that night, and then on the day he went to be with Jesus.  These are the moments of our life that shape and mold us into who we are.  While I could never forget the emotions I felt that night we heard the news, and then on the day he left this world, these pictures capture the story that words cannot express. 

I was afraid to watch this video.  I didn't know what I would see, or how I would feel, or even if it would change the view of what I had remembered in my mind of those moments.  I knew it would be so hard to see the hurt in my children's eyes as they saw him for the first time after he was admitted to the NICU, so small and fragile...looking at their baby brother and knowing that his time with us was very short.  How my heart felt when I watched them walk into our little private room with tears streaming and hearts aching.  I remembered every detail while watching this precious piece of us as it played while we all sat on the couch, holding onto to each other for dear life.  The tears came quickly, but not for the same reasons as that night.  While we felt those emotions all over again as if they were new, we also saw the beauty of our families love, and a strength that could only come from God above pulling us closer.  Oh, what a beautiful boy he was.  I could never say that enough.  I carry that with me, how perfect and wonderful he was and still is right here in my heart.

The truth was, there was nothing to be afraid of.  While this was a sad time in our life, it's part of our life that we are growing through.  Sad for us that he is not here...rejoicing though that joy comes with the morning.  We look at life through new eyes because of Johnny.  We are more than thankful for these memories of our time with him that were captured beautifully.

There truly are no words.  Thank you, Sonya for sharing our love and our grief.