9w6d ultrasound. Sighs of relief!

The appointment went well, and we have been released to the OB.  My Dr. doesn't have the best screen or printer, but, he/she (not the doctor)  did a little shimmy for us and quickly went into the fetal position to take a little nap.  The heart rate was really good at 176, so that was a relief.  There was a bit of a Subchorionic Hemmorage that has developed but I know what to expect with that since I have had it before twice when I was pregnant with my girls.  It can cause cramping and bleeding, but as long as it doesn't grow we will be fine.  They can be reabsorbed with no problems at all, that is what I am rooting for! 

Next Thursday I meet with the new OB, hopefully we like him.  I have had some doozies before, but with them I didn't really have a choice to switch docs.  So looking forward to seeing how it goes the next couple weeks.  Altogether it was a great day!  :)

Sheesh!

We tried to get the car licensed today...that didn't happen!  The line was way out the door, which means the line inside was insane as well.  They make it nearly impossible to get any of these things done.  California so far has been the hardest state to accomplish the simple task of licensing.  One would think as desperate as they are for money they would simplify this process, instead they move slower than snails to try and prove a point that the government shouldn't be closing them down 3 Fridays a month.  Good grief!  There has got to be a better way to do this, one of these days we will get it figured out.  Instead of what we went to do, coffee seemed like the cure for all things annoying and we indulged ourselves in a cinnamon twist and a fancy coffee at the local Coffee Klatch.

Yesterday the Doctor's office called me to reschedule my appointment again.  So, today is the day.  I am a little disappointed, I wanted to be 10 weeks for this one, hoping that the RE would release me to an OB.  I'm afraid she will want to see me again.  Hoping not!  Also hoping everything is a ok.  I hate feeling like a nervous wreck, but I am.  I just need to take a deep breath and relax, besides there is nothing that worrying will make better, this is whatever will be will be situation.  In my heart I know that, but the emotional side of it all has me tied up in knots.  Hoping I have a happy update later.  If all is well maybe we will even have a picture to post, we shall see!

By the way, I fixed it so you can leave comments now.  I didn't know it wasn't working until someone informed me that when they tried to leave a comment nothing came up to allow it.  Should be all better now!

Cooler days ahead?

I wouldn't say this has been the hottest summer I've ever been through, but it got hot late in the season.  The last thing I want is temperatures soaring in the 100's at the end of September, it just doesn't seem right.  Last night brought some cooler temps to us, thankfully.  I am hoping they last for a while, but I won't hold my breath.  Last Friday I found a cabin for us to rent in Big Bear for this next weekend.  We are looking forward to taking a breather, and spending some time away from all things normal at home.  We need a break.  The weather is supposed to be Fall like, I can't wait.  I'm not sure about the drive, winding roads and dizziness doesn't seem fun, but, praying I will be just fine on the drive.  Since we are heading up on Friday I was able to get my appointment changed to Thursday afternoon for the ultrasound.  I am really looking forward to this appointment and hope to see that all is well and that baby is growing and wiggling around. 

On another note, my house needs an overhaul in the cleaning department...floors need scrubbing, showers need scouring and I have zero energy to get it done.  Another problem here, fingerprints on stainless steel, can't keep up with that either.  Flat wall paint is also not my friend, everything that touches the walls leaves marks...I so don't want to paint anything in this house, especially after completely painting every room in my last house.  Oh I need so much help!  =)
I suppose it will all get done like it always does, it just seems so daunting at the moment.  For now, off to start another endless load of laundry. 

9 Weeks!

Another week down, 3 more to go till I make it out of this first trimester!  Woot!

Feeling all the same ole stuff, nothing new!  One week and counting until the next ultrasound, hopefully I will be released to an OB at this appointment.  My Estradiol shot really hurt last night, I can't wait to be done with the shots.  It will also be nice to say goodbye to lumpy butt from the shots!

If I could have one thing that went away sooner rather than later, it would be for the dizziness to go away.  It's hard to get anything done when it's constantly making me feel sick!  Otherwise I can handle being super hungry, and sleepy, and getting up to pee all night.  No big deal!

Zombie Woman

I feel like a zombie version of me lately.  Can't seem to do anything for more than 10 minutes without having to sit down and take a breather.  Dizziness is my new normal, and eating is the thing I do best!  I don't remember feeling the need to stuff my face like this with my previous pregnancies, but holy cow, get outta my way when my belly tells me to eat!  I guess the major difference here is that there is a 10 year span from when my last child was born until now.

Something strange happens to your body as you get older...mentally feeling just as young as I once was, well at least when I'm not a zombie...but the body, hmm that is where the changes begin.  Oh joy!

Not looking forward to the weather here these next 2 days...SoCal has become a sauna.  104 today, and 105 tomorrow, the wind is blowing pretty hard.  So ready for Autumn, don't think I will get it though.

The Happy News Spreader!

After we had the news that my HCG levels were rising nicely my dear hubby couldn't contain himself and had to share with his mom and dad.  At the moment my father in law is working in Libya and was there when we shared the news.  His mom was visiting family in the states, so she was the first call he made.  It wasn't until a couple days later that we finally reached Dad after playing a little phone tag...

So hubby tells his Dad, and he is over joyed!  He loves being a Grandpa and as he gets older loves it more and more.  We had decided we were not going to tell anyone else until we had heartbeat confirmation, and just went on our merry way from there.  A little while later, my sister in law is congratulating me on the pregnancy, that we didn't tell them about.  Enter the Happy news spreader...come to find out via Skype, my dear dad in law is spreading the news to everyone he talks too, from Libya!  So much for keeping it quiet, haha!  Funny thing is that it makes it easy on us, less people to tell.  =)   So another fun little tid-bit, everyone of the sisters-in-law on my hubbies side are expecting.  I think this has Grandpa pretty thrilled, he is looking forward to next summer when he can hold them all at once on his lap for a photo-op. 

To the man once called PooPa, until my little son many years ago thought he was supposed to call him Poopee... Glad we can keep you smiling, and happily spreading wonderful news! 

What a great Grandpa!  =)

8 week ultrasound. We made it!

So yesterday started off a bit crazy with a call from the RE.  My appointment was scheduled for 3pm, and they needed to change the time and make it earlier.  Earlier is nice, but, my DH works in downtown LA, a 2 hour drive away if the traffic is medium...He rides the Metrolink in and that keeps his commute to 1 hour, but the trains don't run on our schedule unfortunately.  His station that he rides didn't have a train in time, and I didn't want to do this by myself.  He was on a business trip for the last ultrasound, it was hard for both of us.  Thankfully there was a train to a different location that I could run and pick him up and be back for the appointment in time!  Crisis averted!

I get to the RE's office and I am a nervous wreck.  Having been in this position before and receiving bad news more times than I would like to admit had me so scared.  My nurse could tell something was different too, I wasn't my normal chipper self, it was evident to everyone.  I think I held my breath when they started the ultrasound, I almost couldn't look.  Finally, my hubby says "there it is, it's heart is beating", and I LOST it!  It was an amazing feeling to see life growing, and doing well.  My heart felt like a huge weight had been lifted.. then they turned on the sound!  I was gone again, I just could stop the tears.  This little one had a strong heartbeat of 167 beats per minute, and that sound, until you hear it, it's hard to believe.  The best sound I have heard in a long time. 

We took the kids out and surprised them with a fun afternoon at Rainforest Cafe, and we spilled the beans.  They were all excited, and said they wondered what was up since on my small frame the progesterone bloat had my belly looking like someone had pumped me to at least 5 months along.  So observant!  :)  It was a fun day and we felt like we could share the news with the family, at least those that didn't know, and then the rest of the family that knew got the news that all is well.

I still have 4 weeks to go before we feel completely out of the woods, but seeing a little heartbeat sure helped us feel more secure that things are most likely going to be okay!  I go back in 2 weeks for my last appointment with the RE, and then I will be released to and OB, once I have found one that I like.  Unfortunately I still at the mercy of the  same Estradiol, and Progesterone shots for another 4 weeks! This RE does EVERYTHING in excess! 

Oh happy day!  Now I can stop the obsessing!  Yeah Right!  =)

Hmph!

Could this possibly be the longest day of my life?  Waiting on tomorrows ultrasound is making me crazy...this day is dragging, and I can't think of anything else.  It's either going to be one of the happiest days of my life, or a big fat downer.  I hate this wait, not knowing if everything is okay, especially since my history has allowed many let downs on this front.

 I need 3pm tomorrow to get here...Pronto!

Can't wait for Wednesday!

This past 2 weeks has seemed so much worse than the initial 2ww for the pregnancy test.  My Ultrasound is scheduled for 3:00 on Wednesday.  It can't get here soon enough! 

Until I see a heartbeat/heartbeats I will not be at peace. 

Wishing life had a fast forward button, if only just this once! 

Home Again!

It feels very good to be home. Things went well with the funeral, and I was able to say goodbye to Grandma. It was sad, but so good to know she is no longer suffering. One thing that is always strange about death is that it brings families back together that have been apart. We have always lived away from all of our family, so it was good to see everyone.

The cat is out of the bag. This darned Progesterone bloat gave it all away, so I fessed up since I didn't think they would believe I had developed beer gut! I hadn't been there for 5 minutes before my Dad's wife said..."Are we expecting another grandbaby?" Oh brother! It was good to have a distraction from waiting on this next ultrasound, and the only real symptoms I had while I was gone was dizziness. I slept hard at night, so I know I was tired, but otherwise I felt pretty good while I was gone.

Today even when I am sitting still I feel like I am moving...gross!

Sad day

Today is a very sad day for me. I just found out my Grandmother passed away unexpectedly this afternoon. My Grandfather tried to revive her, and then called 911. They said she was brain dead but still had a pulse...Grandpa told them to let her go. Now I am faced with the question...is it okay to travel? I'm going to whether it is or isn't, but I just want to know what I am getting myself into before I go.

Life is so short, treasure every moment you have.

5w5days, Ultrasound day!

This day was a bit rough for me to be alone. DH was on a business trip, and I had to face the US by myself, not knowing what if anything would be seen.

There was excitement, don't get me wrong, but nerves were getting the better of me. I know to be cautious from my past.

We had thought that there may possibly be 2, especially since my numbers were much higher than normal for me. I at this point am 5 weeks 5 days, so the chances of seeing something definitive are small. Luckily we saw a sac, that was a huge milestone for me! There was just one, surprisingly, as tired and dizzy as I have been I was thinking the chances were pretty good that we were going to see 2 sacs. No luck there! There was a perfect little sac, yolk sac and small fetal pole to be seen, but unfortunately no heartbeat yet.

Bummer, my obsessing will now continue for 2 more weeks while we wait for the next US scheduled for the 16th. UGH.

For now, we still remain cautiously optimistic! We have not announced our news yet and won't until a heartbeat is seen..
Even our kids don't know, even though I am a bloated, tired, dizzy mess... my guess is they know something is up and are just not saying anything. :)

So I think I can say for now, I am pregnant until proven otherwise! Can't wait to get really excited about this! In my heart I already am, it's the outside that can't wait to let it all out!

August 28th Beta # 3

I was hoping for good news this time, and they called early, thank God!

This is what the nurse says to me:

Are you sitting down?

Yep!

Through a laugh she says, you did really good, I mean really good!

At this point my heart is racing...

And the number is.....3735! Holy Crap! Yay! Progesterone- 119. Really good news.

So we scheduled and Ultrasound for Wednesday the 2nd. Can't wait!

August 25th 2009 Beta# 2

It was 13 days past transfer and I had waited on pins and needles for this day to come. It was the most important day for me in all of this.

It was a bit later that I heard from them, this time 8pm, UGH!

The nurse says:

Your numbers are rising nicely, the Dr. wants to see you in 2 weeks for an US.

Well what are the numbers?

834....

My heart sunk, yes they went up but they didn't double. It had been 4 days.

Are you sure there is nothing to worry about, the numbers didn't do what they are supposed to.
Can I please do one more beta, to ease my mind?

She told me to come in Friday for beta #3...

3 more days to wait!

9 days past transfer Beta # 1

Off I went, happily to get a beta! Unfortunately I knew the wait would take all day long, just like all the other times I waited for information from them.

The call came at 6:30, much earlier than I expected! I was on speaker phone, I could tell the nurses voice was echoing...

"Congratulations your Pregnant!" It was the whole office, all the staff was there to give me the good news, that felt so good!
Even better than that, was the amazing number they gave me! It was 290, and progesterone was 81! I have never in all my 7 pregnancies before had a number like that this early on! My excitement was overwhelming, called DH and gave him the great news.

So now I had to wait to see if the number was rising, next beta was 4 days away. The wait was longer than the 2ww after the transfer, and I only had to wait 9 days! :)

The only thing I cared about was that the number did what it was supposed to do....

8 days past transfer

I have been having headaches and have been crampy. That's the only thing that is different, no other symptoms.

I did POAS again, of course, who doesn't do day after day after IVF? :) It was still positive, a little lighter than the day before, but I didn't use the cup this time, so I tried to convince myself it was lesser concentration than the cup.

With my history in consideration, I called RE office and spoke to the nurse about moving up my Beta. She did have to discuss it with the Dr, but gave me a call later and told me to come in the next morning. I couldn't believe it, I was told she never did that!

Friday August 21st was going to give the real answer that we were looking for. I couldn't wait for the morning to come!

Day 7 past transfer

All this time we had been trying to decide when to POAS (pee on a stick). The RE gave strict orders not to do since it is unpredictable. Yeah right, like anyone follows that order! Haha! We knew for sure that the HCG shot would be out of my system, it had been 14 days and they had me take a lower dosage of 5000IU instead of the normal 10,000IU. This was to lessen the effects of OHSS. I had told my DH I would wait until day 8 past transfer, but that morning I couldn't control my urge to pee on that little stick that had brought so many tears of sadness in the past 10 years.
I decided it would be more fun to surprise him if it was positive than to have him expect some news the next morning.

So I did it, I broke the rules and did what they told me not to do. I was setting myself up for disappointment, and stuck the stick in the cup of pee. After I set it down I proceeded to wash my face, I saw that the test was working and without a minute passing by there to my amazement were 2 lines! 2 NOT 1 like I had expected! Holy Cow, it didn't even take a minute to get that positive! I kept it to myself all day...DH got home around 6:30 that night and I broke the news. Smiles and hugs later, the reality of my past had set in. 4 miscarriages tend to a damper on feeling too excited.

But...Yay, it was a Big Fat Positive!

Day 6 past transfer

No real news, just crampy a bit, and a minor headache...hard to find any symptoms when this progesterone is messing things up! I had a bit of a meltdown this evening, cried for awhile over something that just would have made me mad before. Ah the joys of raging hormones!

Day 3 past 5 day tranfer

Today started out like all the rest, no symptoms to speak of. Discouragement was setting in.

That afternoon, we decided to all go up to the media room and watch a movie. It was there that I started having pain in my lower back, it was a dull ache at first that gradually became more intense as the evening rolled on.

By the time we were ready for bed, the pain was so bad, I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't get comfortable. In the back of my mind I was so worried that my progesterone levels were dropping and AF was on the way. The next morning Sunday, I put a call in to the nurse to ask her if it was normal to be in all this pain. They didn't think so, and had me come in Monday morning to check things out.

The RE did a US, and said she didn't see what was causing it, she was thinking maybe the OHSS was kicking into high gear, but she only saw a little fluid. Because of my history they humored me and did a progesterone check to hopefully help me relax. Thankfully they did, the level was high, really high for me....57.

I could now relax, AF wasn't trying to rear her ugly head!

Days 1 and 2 past transfer

The days following transfer, I laid on the couch most of the time and did nothing. I was on Progesterone Shots (PIO) every night since retrieval with a long scary needle in the butt. My DH did a fantastic job of doing these shots while I buried my head under a pillow and waited for it to be over. What a great man I have, everyone needs one just like him! He was taking such good care of me. =) Ovaries were still heavy and very large making me fairly uncomfortable still, and of course the PIO was giving the early symptoms of any pregnancy, how cruel can they be!

The first 2.5 days I waited for a sign, any sign would do, but there were really none to speak of. I was getting a bit worried. Silly me so impatient!

After my IUI's my cycle's always started about 9 days after ovulation (way to early), and I was on day 7, I became a worry wart at that point.

Transfer Day! Woot!!

We finally made it, it was Wednesday the 12th of August, and I was super excited. They scheduled me to transfer at 9am, and to be there with a mostly full bladder by 8:30.

They were running behind, and I had to go, and bad! I kept asking would it be much longer, because I have to pee. They said 15 more mins, every single time I asked, which was about 4 times. They finally let me go a little, and then I needed to go a little again, and finally a 3rd time, thankfully I have good control. 10:30 rolls around and they finally got to me, the Embryologist came in and confirmed my name with my embies, and I got the report from the RE.

We hadn't decided whether to transfer 2 or 3, and we needed her help deciding...So when she came in with the report we were ready for her opinion.

Report:

The 2 grade A's had dropped to grade B's and had changed to Blasts. She said the Embryologist is a tough grader, and that she thought they looked really really good.
The decision on how many to transfer was taken out of our hands when she informed us that all the other embryo's didn't make it past the day before. I was sad, I had hoped to freeze some.

Into the surgical room I go, picture in hand of my embies! It was exciting! The only problem, my bladder was about to burst, everything they did hurt beyond belief, and I had tears running down my face as they told me to hold still and relax. I had to go so bad I clenched my eyes closed and couldn't watch the screen, the pain was unbearable, and I didn't want to pee on Dr. D.
Thankfully she emptied my bladder for me while I laid on the table for 30 minutes. Instant relief!

So that was it! I had 5 days of bed rest ahead of me, and the agonizing 2 week wait. My first beta was scheduled for August 24th, and it couldn't get here soon enough!

Waiting for the Embie report

Waiting for this call was agonizing! I couldn't believe how long the day seemed until I got the call. I was on strict orders to not do anything and continue to eat the protein and drink Gatorade..to the point that the sight of any of it made me sick. Transferring was still in question, and I wanted to get to that day so badly I did exactly what I was told.

The first report: August 8, 09

How many fertilized, that was the question.

So out of 19 eggs this is what we got:

4 immature... =(

11 fertilized, with ICSI and out of those 8 were normal.

So we have 8! And now we wait some more!

Next evening they call with an update: August 9, 09

2 grade A 4-3 cell

4 grade B 4-2 cell

2 lagging behind, but still watching them.

Next night: August 10, 09

2 A 8-6 cell

4 B 8-6 cell

1 C 4 cell

1 D 3 cell

August 11, 09

I go in to get the okay for transfer the next morning, she said YES! I was so happy!
They also gave me a report that morning, it was the first day I didn't have to wait.

2 A Morulas

1 B 8 cell

The rest were slower 6-8 cell and the C and D had basically no hope.

So next comes the big decision.

How many do we transfer? Yikes, I wanted the RE to make that decision.

IVF fun!

Okay, so I wouldn't say it was fun, but it we were sure hopeful! I started stiming with Gonal, Menopur and was also on some sort of steriod, along with the Lupron. I had a lot going for me with this since we knew how quickly my body responded to these stims, so the Dr. had a heads up making us all feel like we wouldn't waste a month on this trying to figure out what I was going to do with it all. Things were going really well. The nurse commented when she called with my first E2 that I was right and I must really know my body pretty well.

Follies were growing and things seemed to be going really well. E2 was starting to be a little bit of a concern. It was day by day to see what that number would do. I was beginning to get a little nervous. The concern of OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation) had the RE giving me strict instruction to eat lots of protein and drink Gatorade. So I followed her orders, and ate, and ate, and drank and drank. She said she wouldn't cancel me, but if it was bad enough she would not do the transfer. I was scared of that happening so I did exactly what she told me to do.

My E2 was out of control, and my follies weren't ready. When that number rose to 4700, my RE decided to coast me, no more stims, just the Lupron. The next day the number settled down a bit it was at 5300, it was almost doubling before. I coasted for 3 nights, on the 3rd I was told to trigger. It was so exciting! At that point my E2 was at 7000, still a major concern that they may not do that transfer...I was still doing everything I was told at that point. On the day of retrieval I had gained 10lbs from the start of BCP's to retrieval. That was a lot for my small frame, I had started out at 104. They were worried that it was the fluid building up from my high numbers.

The retrieval went really well, they were able to get 19 follies, and I felt so good about that. :)
Things had seemed to go pretty fast from the start of stims until this day...which was August 7, 09 by the way.

At that point, the swiftness of the days came to a screeching halt! Now hurry up and wait. I'm not good at that.

Thought we were done for good.

It was a tough thing to try to convince myself. I never thought we would be able to do IVF. We moved again, DH job has us doing that a lot. Hotel living again, while waiting endlessly for the new house to close, this time not only with 3 kids, but we added a dog. It wasn't the worst thing to ever happen, but I was ready for it to be over.

We had made a decision, and I had learned to never say never. We felt compelled to try IVF, even if it was just one time. It was our last shot, and we were ready to take it. While still living in limbo I found a new RE in a new state, with a new start. They got me started right away. It was June 09, and we felt pretty good about our odds. I started BCP at the end of June, and then started Lupron mid July. The tummy shots were a cinch this time, I knew what to expect, although this Lupron thing was new to me. We went on a last minute vacation to visit family, before I started stims. Things were looking up, and we were looking forward!

What a waste of time!

Since Clomid was not the answer for me, the RE moved me onto Gonal*f. I was stinking scared of that little needle. I think it took me well over an hour to work up the nerve and stick it in my belly! I survived, and it got easier each night, thank God. :) So away I go, every night for 5 nights I stick myself in the tummy with this needle.

It was time to look and see what we could see, this time I knew what we didn't want to see, and eagerly awaited seeing the screen. There were good things happening, lots of little ones growing! Relief! Gave the news to DH and we were feeling good. That night the nurse calls and has me lower my dosage of the Gonal, she says my E2 number is going up nicely, and they will see me in 2 days. Next US rolls around, and holy cow, we are outta control here! Much to their surprise and mine, I had developed about 28 follicles, and most of them were growing at the same rate! Yikes! I hear them mention the word cancel again, and I about lost it! I held it together until I got outside and made the call to DH again. After my bloodwork came in they lowered my dosage again, and then told me my E2 level was really high, they wanted to see me again in the morning....off I go, reluctantly, I didn't want to hear them say canceled again. After more blood work and another US, I went home and waited for the news. To my fear and delight, they wanted me to do the trigger shot tonight! That was quite an ordeal, I couldn't come to grips with my DH using my butt as a dart board and after fighting with him and crying once again, I assumed the position and...Poke! Holy Crap that scared me so bad I jerked, and the needle came out..so he had to do it again, I held still much better that time!

So it was time to do this, DH did his thing, and I climbed on the table and waited for them to come in...I was in extreme pain, my ovaries were huge, and I could barely walk. When the RE came in the room he could tell I was in bad shape, and proceeded to give me the scare of my life. Are you sure you want to do this, there is a high risk of multiples, and you need to decide right now if you are willing to reduce. I instantly know what the answer is to that, Um nope! With tears streaming down my face we made the decision to go forward, after all we were dealing with a low count, and he couldn't tell me the odds of it really happening with a count that low.
Needless to say this cycle was a bust, and so were the next 2! I can't believe they continued to have me go through this, and that I went along with it! I was naive and hopeful, but this obviously wasn't going to work. The last attempt, gave me an unwelcome Christmas present, and at that point I knew we were done.

No more IUI's, it was a waste of our time, and emotions. Shame on you Dr. for putting us through that!

Secondary Infertility is the word. Next step IUI.

We came into this world of infertility with some answers that a lot of people have to wait months for...saved a lot of time when it came to getting down to business. After meeting with and RE (reproductive endocrinologist) for the first time, he assured me he could get us pregnant! He said exactly what I wanted to hear! Sent hubby off for a report and got what we expected, not the best news, even still the RE was confident that an IUI would do the trick. I was confident in his confidence, didn't question it, and wanted to get started. He made us wait 3 months, ugh, while DH took some vitamins that were supposed to make things a bit better, so we were off!

It was May 08. September rolls around and it was time to get started, they had me start on Clomid, seemed easy enough! So we start in, and were so super excited, that this could be it! Then the dreaded Hurricane Ike rained on my parade. We stayed through the storm, lost power, and a tree had a close encounter with our pool, what a mess! It was hot, and humid, YUCK! My lovely sister in law asked us to come stay a couple of days, it was 3 hours north of us, we thought that sounded like a good idea. We could only stay for a couple days since I had an appointment to see how my little follicles were growing...unfortunately I didn't know if they would even be able to do the appointment, the power was still out, and the phones weren't working. I finally got through the day before the appointment and they told me the building had power just no phones.. Yay! I was worried that it was a wash!

So I go in and they pull out the wand and take a look at what's going on. This was the first time I had gone through this, so I didn't quite know what to expect. They measured things and didn't say much. After they were done, I get decent again and they tell me they are going to have to cancel this cycle. Um, excuse me, what did you just say! Apparently I had developed a cyst on my right ovary, I didn't like the clomid. It was too large and they couldn't proceed. It came as a total surprise, I never expected to be canceled. I called my DH in tears and gave him the unexpected news.

One more month down the tubes!

It all started when...

10 years ago, February, my youngest was born...Miss E. We felt blessed beyond measure, and her older sister and brother thought she was pretty great too. We felt pretty complete, and after all the issues we encountered while pregnant with her, decided it was time to make a decision. Well...we made the wrong one! I figured that out almost just as soon as the damage was done. Let me just say, who makes rational decisions when just 3 weeks postpartum...um no one I know! The next several months were spent trying to undo what I put my poor husband through. By some stroke of dumb luck the Air Force got him in and we got the reversal...there was a 2 year wait list, somehow we were pushed through. We felt like we were on cloud nine, and that God was really answering a prayer......

Fast forward 10 years, um no baby! How could this be! We had basically given up hope that we would grow our family, that was until we got home from a wonderful cruise. It was the first time we had really had a vacation just the 2 of us. Mom came and watched the kiddos for us, and we met some friends in sunny Florida, and away we went. I was unusually tired the whole trip, I attributed it to the late nights and early mornings, along with the traveling. I couldn't keep my eyes open when we got home, I tried so hard to stay awake and visit with my mom, but alas sleep called out to me. It was about 6 days later that I realized, hey AF hasn't shown up, wonder what's up. So reluctantly I drug myself out in the icy cold of Alberta Canada, and braved the nasty January roads. When I took the test, to my surprise it was positive, no doubt about it..I didn't have to hold it sideways or squint to see a line. It was definitely there and after 7 years...Victory! It never crossed my mind that there may be something wrong, and much to my dismay a week and a half later, the spotting began, within 3 days the pregnancy was gone. The disappointment and sadness overwhelmed me.

We had resolved that since it took 7 years to get pregnant, it would likely not happen again...Wrong again! We had just moved back to the states, were living in a hotel waiting on the new house to close. It wasn't very fun living the hotel life, especially the hotel we were staying in...not my idea of a good time. The excitement of buying our first house was almost overwhelming, we had a lot to do to make it "ours". After closing we still had to wait for our household items to be delivered, therefore, couldn't stay there until we got our stuff. Three weeks of painting and getting it prepared for us went pretty well. The kids swam in the pool while I painted away. The week we moved in I had an inkling that there was something going on and I poas. Sure enough, positive! Knowing what had happened last time...it was time to proceed with caution. Got in to see a Dr. as soon as possible and they started monitoring my betas, every 3 days for a week...things were looking ok, but not great, and then a little spotting. Time for an ultrasound...Dr. can't find anything in the uterus, therefore she makes the revelation that it has to be ectopic. Knowing my history, remember I said it was eventful with my last daughter, well it wasn't just eventful it was out of this world crazy, not to mention all the other 4 times I was preg. before her. Anyhow, to make a long story short, I argued with the Dr. She told me she was right and I was going to die...needless to say with my history I switched to a Dr. that was willing to listen to what I was saying and look a little more and take a little more time. It wasn't ectopic, duh, I already knew that, but it wasn't developing normally. After 11 weeks of rising betas, and not really seeing much in the uterus, we collectively decided it was time for a D&C. Our hopes and dreams dashed again. I was miserable.

Thinking it would happen again, we waited, month after month, and still nothing. This began our journey in the world of the dreaded Infertility.