A Reflective Moment of What Should Have Been

It's August.  Already! 

Back to school month.  We are in a new country and still figuring out what school will look for us the coming year, but, this is not what I refer to in my blog title.

This is the year.  Year 5.  Our little boy would have been preparing for his first year of Kindergarten.  We would be hesitantly sending our little one off to a new great adventure, as he I'm sure would have been ready to take on the world. 

Just another of the many first we will not have with him. In my heart I know there is nothing he is really missing, but us.... We miss out, while he is in paradise. The heart mends with time, but the longings of the heart stay close to those dreams and hopes we have for those we love so dearly. This precious boy is never far from our thoughts, and remains a part of us.  So, as these milestones come and go, I think back to the dreams we had for our family, for him, and for his future, and I sit in awe as I think about how the life we had planned, did not take into account anything that we have endured, lost, gained, or dreamed.

For 5 years we have grieved what we hoped would be a joyful young lad, full of excitement and fun, plans and a bright future.  There is a missing piece to our family that will always be. We miss what we know to miss. 

Let me tell you something: That sweet little boy is not missing anything and has eternity in front of him. It's something bigger than you and I, bigger than the gap we feel in our family, and far greater than we can even imagine of a beautiful life where there is no pain or suffering, just joy.  Unspeakable joy.

In the flesh we miss him, dream of him, long for him. Kindergarten would have been fun this year, but it doesn't come close to comparing to knowing my little boy is sitting at the feet of our Lord. There is no greater love than that.

Until we see you again, my love.....