And the days pass by

Here it is, April 30th.  The day that we had waited in anticipation of for 9 months.  Johnny's due date.  I find it hard to believe it's been nearly 3 weeks ago that he was born, and even worse still that he isn't here with us. 

Last night I had a hard time sleeping.  My mind was in constant motion, thinking of my sweet little boy, and what might have been.  It's hard to put these thoughts out of my mind, I suppose this will be another of the things that will take time getting used to.  As slow as the days seem right now, they are still flying by.  Strange how that can be, so slow, yet so fast.  I keep thinking about how much we are missing out on, not having Johnny here in our lives...

We are missing out on so much joy.  At the service the pastor reminded us though of the joy that must be remembered for our Johnny.  He is no longer suffering, he is happy, and for that we can find joy.  Oh, so hard right now, but, I keep reminding myself of this.  We can choose to be happy, so much easier said than done.  For now we will continue to try and do just that, and find comfort in the memories, pictures, and videos that we cherish of him. 

What precious memories he left for us of him.  He was special and loved from the very beginning, and he did bring joy to our lives.  Even if it was for a very short time.  Thank you Lord for that time, and those memories of him.