Take a Deep Breath?

I say it all the time, and I hear it all the time.  In the NICU this was said to me on a daily basis, by one of Marlos' nurses.

Take a deep breath....

Yeah right!  When?  When have I had a moment in the last two years to sit back, relax and take a deep breath.  It's as if I walk around ready for the next battle, because as we have learned, something is lurking around the  corner.  I feel it, the tension and the stress; It's in the uncertainty that is all around me.  Someone so sure of herself, her next move, what to expect and what was coming.  It's all out the window.  I am sure of nothing, I don't know what to expect, and sometimes I am scared about what could be around the next corner.

Why would anyone ever feel this way?  If you know me and our story you know why.  The day that changed it all, took my breath away.  Since that day, we've fought for every breath. 

Slowly, but surely, we are starting to breathe a little deeper every day.  A real deep breath though? 

Someday.  Maybe.