Things I am learning about grief

Grief is a strange thing.  It's something that takes on a different look every day.  It's something that is confusing, and hard to understand.  It can be as long as I need it to be, and I could make it as hard as I want it to be.  Once again I see it as another choice in life that we make.  It's just another thing in life that we can make as hard or as miserable as we want.

When we allow our hearts to heal, and continue to live, our grief becomes a stop along the path we are traveling.  Since we can't choose what happens in our life, we do have a choice in the direction we take once we face our mountains.  I cannot stay at the bottom of that mountain, no matter what the situation.  We have to keep living for those around us.  When we stop and stay in that grief, we won't experience the healing that is available to us.  I think sometimes we think we need to stay in grief, that we somehow need to have a number on the days that are acceptable to grieve.  There is no right or wrong for how we each deal with grief, everyone must do what works for them.  I just think that we can't experience real joy in life if we think we have to be in this place of sadness, depression, mourning, or whatever it is, for a lengthy period of time.  The fact is that I can choose to celebrate a beautiful life over dwelling on the fact that I have lost something precious to me.  I can't change what happened, but I can make a choice to let the healing begin.

We have gone through something pretty awful, and I will never be the same because of it.  The ache will continue for a long time, not sure if that will ever go away, but it will get a little easier, and does everyday.   I have found though, that by celebrating Johnny's life I find more healing than grieving.  This is a learning process I suppose, and I am learning it as I go.  I think about my son daily and wish he was here with us.  I think about all the things he went through, and the hurt that we felt while watching everything happen around us.  Then I think about how he is no longer suffering, that he is never going to feel this hurt that we have gone through, that he is in heaven.  That is what the focus for us has to be, and it does allow our hearts to heal.  I am so thankful for that.  We experienced so much joy from a little one that we prayed so long for.  While we had him just for a short time, he blessed me beyond anything I could have ever imagined. 

I believe that this is where the healing begins.  In the love, the blessings, the joy, and the wonderful memories, we can find a healing and a peace that passes all understanding.