Today was supposed to be

Today was supposed to be the day we met our baby for the first time.  We were scheduled for induction. 

I find myself sitting here instead, planning a funeral service for him.  This is not the way it was not the way we planned things.  I realize that this is something I have come to expect in life, but it's not what is expected when it's a precious little baby's life. 

There are times I feel I couldn't cry another tear, and times that they flow so freely.  Times I feel like I am going to be okay, and others I feel a tremendous ache that feels like it will last forever.  I know it's only through my faith in God that I am making it through this, it's my faith that one day I will be with my little angel again.  This won't take the ache away for now, but I know with time it won't always hurt this much.  It's comforting to know that Johnny is with brothers and sisters in heaven that we lost through miscarriage, and that grandparents, aunts and uncles were also there to greet him. 

On Monday, we will say goodbye to a precious, precious boy we all loved so much.  I am thankful for the glimpse of heaven he gave us in our short time with him.  He changed my world forever, our entire families world was changed by his short life. 

Funeral services will be on Monday in Boise, Idaho at 1:00.  It's the closest place we have that is home, and Johnny will be buried with family. 

God, give us strength to make it through another day and bring glory to You.