This past month has been challenging on so many levels.
We've been thrust into an unimaginable time of trial and despair once again.
There is nothing that can prepare one for the expected, the middle of the night phone call, or knock on the door the early dark and cold hours of the morning, the proclamation that things are on a downhill spiral, that may be unrecoverable, the realization that life, the one that we had planned or hoped for had come to a screeching halt. Your heart beats out of your chest, you hear it in your ears, your stomach drops and feels like there are a ton of bricks holding it down. The lump in your throat, hurts, and prevents a full breath at the same time your lungs feel like they can't get enough air. Your thoughts are racing in a million different directions and then once you finally realize this is a new reality, you wish it away, and pray that it's all a bad dream.
The days are frustrating, and the nights are endless, full of thoughts and dreams that bring no relief. We sift through the muck, and try to hold back the tears, to no avail. The tears will come, the grief will feel overwhelming, no matter what we do to bury it, and we will have questions of why's, and what nows...
Well meaning people will try to make sense of what has happened and offer words they feel are helpful, while we are left trying to show comfort back to them, even when the only words they knew to say left us hurting and more confused than we were before.
That's where I come to this more than we can handle stuff...
The truth is, God did NOT say that we would have the ability to sift through this hard life and be able to handle it. You know the sayings: "God must think you are strong to give you this." Or, this one: "God never gives us more than we can handle."
It's NOT True, and it's NOT Biblical.
We weren't meant to try to journey this life on our own. God wants us to give it over to him, and LET him lead us through the hard and unimaginable. I know in my life, I tried to always be strong, but, it was in my weakest moments that I felt a strength greater than anything I could have drummed up on my own, because, I simply let it go and let God lift me up and carry me through. We are all in the same boat, so to speak, that not any of of us are immune from trials and difficulties. We are naive if we think we are somehow different than the person next to us who is suffering. The fact of the matter is, at some point in each of our lives there will be a trial, and some of those trials will seem unbearable. There will be days we wish the pain would end, and we could turn back the clocks and just get a do over. Reality sets in, and where the rubber meets the road, and potholes along the way is the realization that NOT ONE THING is within our control.
We were made to be dependent on a God who help lift us through our despair and grief, and while there are no guarantees that today or tomorrow we will feel better about our situation, we have the reassurance that we are not alone, and this life, IS worth living. There is a better way, and there is something BIGGER and BETTER that awaits.
Life is hard. It's no better for me just because I am a believer. We all are walking the same journey of life, the difference between us all is the paths we choose (or not) to take, and whether or not we believe in a higher Almighty power that will bring rest, and a life really worth living. It's not all for nothing, at least it isn't for me. I have chosen to believe and for that I stand to lose nothing, but gain everything.
As for what our families have had to endure this past month, well, it still takes my breath away. Today though, my heart still aches, as we had to say goodbye to a precious husband, and father, Daniel Vincent, (my sister's husband) to an unexplainable and unexpected loss. I ache for my sister, Tori, as she now looks for ways to keep going, everyday, while carrying their unborn daughter, and helping Madison their 5 year old daughter through the grief that changes as quickly as the seconds of the day go by.
For my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, (Matt and Heather), as they journey through the many ups and downs of having a special little girl with so many special needs, and the roller coaster they've been on as too often this last month it's been touch and go, my heart hurts for you all.
God has given each of us more than we can handle, but never more than we can handle without his help. In Him, we are able to get up each day, and keep walking in faith and hope that one day the tears and sadness of this world will be no more...
There is never too much for God to handle, it's up to us to give our troubles to Him, and let Him do something miraculous through the trials.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds ~ Psalm 147:3
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